


88 constellations but you are the brightest star

by MarieITNO98



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Bottom Even Bech Næsheim, Comfort, Established Relationship, Love, M/M, Sadness, basically everyone could appear at some point, daily life, happiness, night skies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-08-27 02:24:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16693648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarieITNO98/pseuds/MarieITNO98
Summary: Set after season 4. Isak and Even are still  living happily in their small apartment.They go to their university courses, make toasties, meet their friends and make love.Isak likes to look up at the stars and think about how happy he is and how he deserves someone like Even.Even likes to look up at the stars and think about how happy he is and how  he deserves someone like Isak.There is also a shooting star shower coming. Will they be able to go and see it or will life get in the way?It's basically me not accepting the fact that Skam has really been over for over a year and I still missthem so much, so I decided to write a few chapters about their life, because I know that they are still out there.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hei beautiful Skam fandom,  
> this is my first fanfiction ever!!!! I just love reading all these wonderful stories about  
> one of my favorite couple ever created and I can't get enough of them :D I am a bit intimitated because I have read so many absolutely gorgegous and very well written stories, but I just couldn't keep my imagination to myself, sorry.
> 
> I don't know how many chapters I will write, but I want to do a few :-)  
> It will basically just be about their life together, overcoming hard times and loving each other to the moon and back. 
> 
> I don't have a mental illness and if I should offend anyone over the course of this fic I deeply apologize.  
> English is also not my mother tongue... 
> 
> None of the characters are mine. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy :-))

Tirsdag 20.11.2018 23:30

 

They had left their curtains open and the silver moonlight was shining onto their bed. The headlights of the cars passing by down on the street wandered slowly over the walls and the ceiling. Like a circle. Over and over again. Isak followed them with his eyes. Up and down. Up and down.  
If he craned his neck just a bit more he was able to catch a glimpse of the dark night sky. It was full of stars. He loved to stare into the infinite and think about all the other universes out there and which star was being born right now and which one was taking its last breath in a beautiful explosion of light. How many Isaks were lying like this right now? In a comfortable bed with the universe above their heads?  
The room was dark. The occasional car and the faint moonlight were the only sources of light. He felt at peace, a bit like floating. If he would spread his arms and open the door to their tiny balcony he was sure he would just float away, up to the stars and the moon and even further than that, right into a parallel universe. He propped himself up a bit with a pillow behind his back to get a better look. Now he could see right into the living room of their neighbors from accross the street. The light was still on and a man and a woman were sitting on the couch, arm in arm. It looked nice and Isak caught himself staring a bit too long before he teared his eyes away to look up. It had rained a lot over the past few days and the stars had been hidden, but tonight they were out in all their glory.  
Isak wondered how many constellations he would be able to see if he were to step onto their balcony. Constellations fascinated him. How people must have felt, hundreds of years ago, when they had noticed the same patterns in the night sky over an over again. Had they been intimated or fascinated. Sometimes Isak wished he could travel back in time and stand alongside famous scientists and watch them work.  
He was wearing headphones and had a song on loop. It was a calm song and perfect for nights like this. He turned the volume up a bit and let himself daydream about discovering new galaxies while staring at the night sky.

Circles on the ceiling. Over and over again.  
It was comforting. He wasn't tired. A quick glance at the clock on his nightstand told him that it was almost 11:30 pm. On any other weeknight he would have been asleep half an hour ago but today he felt perfectly content with laying in bed and thinking about stars.  
Isak smiled as a pair of green eyes appeared on the opposite side of the room. Kardamom crossed the room slowly and jumped on the bed. She climbed over Isak's legs which always felt weird and settled down between his and Even's ribs. Isak patted her head gently and she purred happily. He had gotten her as birthday gift for Even this year. He knew that you shouldn't give pets as a gift but they had been talking about getting a cat for months and they both knew that they were able to take care of one. Even though their apartment was ridiciously small. So one day when he was looking through the locals ads in the Sunday newspaper that Even liked to buy because it made him feel grown up and domestic he had seen her picture. A small three legged cat with piercing green eyes and black fur from the streets. Even's birthday had been a week later and he knew what he had to do. Isak had never seen his boyfriend this happy before. His glowing smile hadn't left his face for days. They loved her and their friends adored her. Especially Magnus and Vilde. 

 

Circles on the ceiling. Headlights and moonlight. Over and over again.  
Isak turned over and looked at Even. His boyfriend was sleeping with one hand resting underneath his cheek which Isak found incredibly cute. The other arm was loosely drapped around Isak's chest. His breathing was steady and calm. Although Isak had seen him like this hundreds of times he would never get tired of how beautiful he looked while sleeping. Young, innocent, beautiful and calm.  
A few strands of his soft hair had fallen over his forehead and into his eyes. Isak brushed them gently aside and placed a kiss on this nose. Even didn't move one muscle.  
Ever since that night two years ago when Isak had run through Oslo to hold him and take him home to his bed and had watched over him all night long he had decided that this was his favorite side of Even. A side of him that was only for Isak and he was the only one who got to see it. Private. Intimate.  
Their sex life was private and intimate too, of course, and seeing Even moan in pleasure was definitely very high on Isak's list of his favorite things about Even. However, there was just something about laying next to the love of your life, listening to his breathing and seeing him so calm. Isak would never get tired of this. Not in a year, not in ten, not in thirty.

Circles and circles. Headlights and moonlight. Over and over again.


	2. 44 000 years ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talks about cavemen and cauliflower curry.  
> Also some much needed love making

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your lovely comments and kudos <3 They really motivate me!  
> This chapter is a bit longer than the first.  
> The boys have sex in this chapter, but I put it between stars (*) so if you don't like it just keep on scrolling.  
> I also have literally no experience with smut so please don't judge me lol :D  
> Enjoy :-)

Onsdag 21.11.2018 07.05

"And now on NRK P1: Sven from our weather department. He has some exciting news to tell you, don't you?" "Yes, thank you Amalie, that's right. We will soon experience one of the biggest shooting star showers we have seen in a long time. It will be in a few days so if you can, we recommend you drive out of Oslo and experience this amazing sight for yourself. Grab a blanket, lots of tea and your loved ones. And now back to Amalie for the traffic."  
Isak turned the radio off and put a slice of toast in the toaster "That sounds amazing. We should go see it, Even".  
"Ja, I'm in! It's on November 27th, right? We could borrow my parent's car and drive out to the countryside. Just us and the night sky". Even's eyes were sparkling and Isak's heart swelled so much it almost didn't fit in his chest anymore. He knew that Even was hopelessly romantic and loved grant gestures. Seeing shooting stars together was probably very high on his date idea list.  
"I thought we could invite the boys too". Isak said in a casual voice.  
"The boys?" The disappointment was clearly visibly on his face.  
"Yes, it would be so much fun".  
"I guess...." Even looked really sad and Isak couldn't hold it in any longer. He laughed and put an arm around his boyfriend's shoulder, " I am just messing with you. Of course we will go alone, but speaking of the boys, Jonas is having a party tomorrow night". Isak said while putting jam on his burned toast. The toast was rock hard and black. He could never figure out the settings of their toaster and Even liked his a bit more crispy so he would frequently change it. This particular piece, however, was so burned not even Even would have eaten it.  
"Tomorrow?"  
"Yeah, Jonas, Madhi, Magnus and the girl squad".  
"So everyone is coming?" Even was sitting crosslegged on one of their chairs. His long limbs akwardly folded underneath him. He got some jam on his (their) grey hoodie and his hair was still flat from being pressed into a pillow all night long. He had been excited and happy just a few minutes earlier but now a shadow was over his face. Isak couldn't quite place his expression.  
"Ja, everyone is coming. They thought it would be fun. Don't you wanna go?"  
Even shook his head, "Nei, I wanna go. I am just a bit tired".  
Isak reached over the table and gently took Even's hand in his own, "We don't have to go. I am more than fine with just lounging on our bed and doing other stuff ".  
Even huffed out a laugh. "Don't worry, I'll be fine. If it's too much we can just leave early and continue doing stuff on our bed".  
Isak felt his cheeks heat up. He loved when Even talked like that.  
Kardamom climbed onto Even's lap and licked the jam off his hoodie. The way Even laughed made Isak's knees go weak.

They were both standing in their bathroom a few minutes later, brushing their teeth.  
The heater was on full blast because it was November and freaking cold. Even drew hearts on the fogged mirror and Isak drew arrows that were hitting them.  
"When do you think was the first tootbrush invented?"  
"Huh?"  
"Like, did one cave man just suddenly realize that he smelled like rotten fish and decided to do something about it?" Isak said with a serious look on his face. "We use it everyday and I am actually very grateful for this invention. The thought that there was a time where people didn't brush their teeth grosses me out."  
"Mhmh".  
"Did they just gargle water or did they chew on mint leaves? At least mint smells good, but what if they hadn't even discovered mi-"  
Isak was cut off by Even who pressed his lips against Isaks and kissed him. His mouth was full of toothpaste foam. Isak was taken by surprise but he kisssed back. He could never resist when his boyfriend kissed him. The foam trickled down from both of their mouths onto the white tiles. Eventually Isak had to pull back to not choke on peppermint toothpaste.  
He was sure Even had given him at least half of his amount of foam because his mouth suddenly felt a lot fuller and more wet. He swallowed all of it.  
It felt like he had swallowed a part of Even. A different part than the one that he swallowed every other night. It felt intimate.  
He shot a glance at Even who continued brushing his teeth as if nothing had happened. "What was that for?"  
"I love your way of thinking".

17:47

When Isak unlocked the door to their apartment he was sure his finger were frozen.  
He had forgotten his gloves and his coat didn't have pockets. Who designed a coat without pockets? Who bought a coat with no pockets?!!  
He was greeted by the smell of jasmine rice and cauliflower. He put his shoes and coat away and stepped into their kitchen. Even was standing at the stove, stirring in a big pot full of curry. It smelled amazing. "Halla". Even's voice was a bit raspy as if he had been talking a lot. Isak loved it. "Halla, what are you cooking?" Even stepped away from the pot and gave Isak a kiss. It was gentle and sweet. It lasted longer than intended. It always did.  
"One of the guys in my course is from India and he had leftover curry with him for lunch. It looked so good that I decided to cook it for us tonight. He even gave me the recipe".  
Even looked so proud. Isak couldn't deny it, his cooking skills were exceptionally good and he thought of the days back at the kollektiv where his boyfriend had frequently cooked for the entire apartment. "I can't wait to try it".

18:36

"That was delicious". Isak said for the third time as he was washing the plates and the pots.  
Even hugged him from behind and peppered his neck with little kissses. "Thank you, honey". After they had cleaned up the kitchen they fell onto their bed and just lay there for a while. Both boys had had long days and they loved to simply relax for a while in the evening. They listened to each others breathing and heartbeat and watched the lights from the other apartments. Isak, however, felt like tonight could lead to something more than just watching a movie or listening to a new playlist. It had been a few days. Not that he minded but certain parts of his body started to feel neglected. He knew that Even was super busy with his current film project for film school and he had lot of work to do for his university as well. Before he could make the first move, however, Even rolled on top of him and started kissing him. More eagerly this time. Isak parted his lips and let him in. Their tongues explored every inch of each other and Isak could feel his dick twich. Even tugged at the hem of his T-shirt and Isak pulled it off his body. They both got undressed completely and started kissing again. Hungrier this time. More demanding. Isak could feel the heat rising from their bodies. 

*

Even kissed his neck, chest and stomach. Isak was a moaning mess in an instant. Even was appearently very eager tonight because he didn't tease him with kisses around the area where Isak wanted him the most, he just took him in. All in. All the way and Isak felt like he was floating. Sensations flickered through his body, from his toes all the way up to his forehead and he squirmed and thrusted his hips up to show Even how much he liked it.  
It felt so good. So unbelievably good. But he didn't want to come without giving back to Even and he hoped his boyfriend was in the mood for more than what they were currently doing.  
He put a hand on Even's shoulders and motioned him to stop. He looked surprised. "Did I do something wrong?"  
"No, no, but I-", Isak gently pushed Even down so he was laying on his back, beautiful body on display, "want to-" he peppered kisses all over his neck and collarbone, "be inside you". His dick was still hard and the thought alone made it twitch with anticipation.  
It had the same effect on Even whose eyes went wide. He nodded frantically, "Okay, okay, sure". He said a bit too fast and Isak chuckled when he leaned over to grab the lube from one of the drawers of his nightstand. He put a good amount on his one hand and caressed Even's hair with the other one. Then he grabbed Even's legs and told him to bend his knees.  
He circled his rim teasingly and gently pushed the tip of one finger in. Even hissed and Isak immediately withdrew it. He knew when Even made noises of pleasure,this one had not been one of them. "You're okay?"  
Even pushed the back of his head against the pillow and closed his eyes, "Ja, it's just been a while, sorry".  
Isak ran a hand along his side soothingly, "You don't have to apologize. We don't have to do anything tonight". Even's eyes shot open again and he shook his head vehemently.  
Isak smiled"Okay, I will be very slow and you can tell me to stop at any time". He kissed him on his mouth and circled his rim again, slowly and carefully. This time, it was much easier and Even let out a moan that was definitely one of pleasure. Isak stretched him and slowly added a second finger.  
"Mhmh Isak, that's good, that's-"  
Even trailed off and licked his lips. Isak couldn't help but smile. "You like that?"  
He kept his voice low and seductive. He scissored his fingers and it didn't take long for Even to grow impatient. "I am ready, Isak, I am ready".  
"No, just a bit more".  
"No, I mean it,please".  
Isak added a third finger and it fit perfectly. So Isak got in position and pushed just the tip of his dick in. Even's moan was probably the hottest thing Isak had ever heard. He pulled out and then in again. Even began mumbling all sorts of things when Isak picked up the pace and he couldn't understand all of them but it was along the lines of you're the best  
and keep going. They both came shortly after one another and held each other. They were still shaking a bit and their skin was sticky with cum and sweat. 

*

Even fell asleep after about two seconds. Isak knew that he had to wake him up in a bit to get cleaned up but for now he would let him sleep. He was laying on their bed, his boyfriend in his arms and a warm feeling of contentment settled over him. The headlights of the cars passing by on the street down below were wandering over the walls and ceiling. Like a circle. Over and over again. Isak could see the stars and the thought of his shooting star date in less than a week made his heart beat faster.  
When the sweat got too cold on his skin he tried to wake Even up. "Baby, we have to get cleaned up, you don't want to wake up with dried cum between your ass checks".  
"But it's your cum", said Even groggigly, his eyes still closed.  
That was so dirty and hot that Isak's breath hitched. "I'll be in the bathroom, join me when you feel like it".  
He got up and went to their bathroom. He turned on the light and went to grab a washcloth from the shelf when he spotted something on the sink. It was a folded piece of paper and an item wrapped in a napkin. Isak unfolded the paper first. It was a printed article from Wikipedia. Toothbrush  
At the bottom was a small drawing. One of Even's drawings.On the left side was a cave man with fur boots who was chewing on leaves and on the other side was a caveman with a tootbrush in his hands and foam dripping from his mouth.  
I would love you even when you were a cave men was written below it  
Isak unwrapped the item. It was mint flavored toothpaste.  
Isak smiled and was suddenly overflown with love and affection. How on earth did he end up with the best boyfriend ever? "Even, this is amazing", he said while stepping back into their bedroom. But Even was asleep, his breathing steady and calm. Kardamom was sleeping on his bare chest. Isak walked over to the bed and put the blue and white duvet over his boyfriend and tucket him in until only his head peaked out from underneath it. Kardamom loved to be under blankets and Isak could hear her satisfied purrs.  
He would never get tired of this. Not in two years, not in eleven, not in forty.  
Headlights on the ceiling. Like a circle. Over and over again. 

https://www.dropbox.com/s/gznqyd0wckuuhsr/IMG_20181122_084825.jpg?dl=0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't draw but I thought it would be fun to add a little something to the story <3  
> To see the picture, just copy the link and it should lead you to the dropbox image :-)
> 
> Now that I have the first two chapters out of the way I want to actually stick to an upload routine.   
> Probably once or twice a week. Stay tuned.   
> Ps: The dates mentioned in the chapters will still be like 23.11.2018, but they won't get uploaded on that exact date


	3. Maybe I'm afraid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things have to get worse before they can be better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kudos! I really appreciate it <3 
> 
> Chapter 3, finally . I worked really hard on it and I am still not completely satisfied.  
> On the upside, I have always wanted to write about Even's parents, so I enjoyed incorperating them in my story.  
> I used the names that other fic authors have used before ( I hope that's ok?! :-o) because I liked them  
> and I didn't want to rename them again. That way we have some consistency. Please let me know if that is violating any rights :o :o 
> 
> Things are going downhill tonight.  
> Let me know what you think :-)

Torsdag 22.11.2018 18.30

The tap was leaking. A steady drop in the otherwise silent kitchen. They would have to get it fixed eventually. Isak was sitting at the table, head resting on his hands.  
The sun had gone down over an hour ago and the sky outside was dark. A darker color than the nights before.  
No stars tonight. Kardamom was sleeping on his lap. Her little head resting on his knees. He stroked her absentmindedly.  
Drop. Drop.  
The light in the kitchen wasn't bright. It was more of a yellow color and didn't reach in all corners. Even liked to joke about how that was even possible in a room that small.  
They never got around to replace it and now it just stayed.  
Drop. Drop.  
Isak was exhausted. University today had been a torture. He was excited for the party tonight but he would not have minded staying at home chilling. The euphoria from last night was gone, replaced with the all too familiar feeling of tiredness. The usual cycle. Who had thought that University could be so stressful. Isak looked out of the window onto the balcony and suddenly he had the strange desire to stand outside in the cold and look up at a starless night.  
He gently sat Kardamom down on their bed and walked onto the balcony. He went over to the hand railing and grabbed the cold metal with both hands. It was not unusual for nights to be this dark in November. Isak would have never admitted it but he was a bit worried about the shooting star shower. He knew that it meant a lot to Even and he could imagine his disappointment when there were too many clouds. A breeze messed up his hair and send a shiver down his spine. Then he heard the doorbell ring and went back inside.  
"Honey, I think they are here."  
"Already? Dad must have broken his own record."  
"His record?"  
"Yeah, we were always the first people to show up at any social event. The earliest was half an hour though, not an entire hour."  
Even said coming out of the bathroom and rushing past Isak to get the door. He had been bouncy and active all day. Ever since he came home from film school, he had been checking the website to see whether the shooting star shower would still be on a clear night. He had searched for the best place outside of Oslo to go see them and had even talked about buying a telescope to get the best experience. Isak had told him that a telescope was not really in their budget right now.  
Even had been genuinely sad for a while, but now he was happy again, a big smile on his face. He was wearing a really nice burgundy shirt and tight pants. His hair was styled just the way Isak liked it and he left a faint scent of his perfume behind. He looked ridiculously handsome and made Isak question his own choice of clothing.  
He wanted to make a good expression on his boyfriend's parents, even though he had known them for almost two years now and they loved him.  
"Hi Mamma, Pappa!" he heard Even exclaim. "You are early."  
"You know how we are. Better too early than too late". Bjørn's loud bass voice echoed through the staircase. "We can help you cooking. I don't want to get poisoned tonight."  
The Bech Næsheims all laughed. Loud and contagious. It was something that Isak had learned very early on. Even and his parents teased each other a lot and laughed together basically 24/7. He admired them. The atmosphere in their home was inviting and warm.  
When they hadn't lived together yet he had liked going over there, laying on Even's bunk bed, playing Fifa in the living room and teaching Bjørn how to play it. He mostly had good memories at Even's place. That didn't mean that there hadn't been bad times,though.  
Times when Even had yelled at his parents, cried and cursed. When the place had been so quiet that Isak was too afraid to even open the door to the living room because it always creaked. When Bjørn had come back from a trip to the corner store with a bag full of tissues because they had ran out again. When Liv had made him pancakes and they had sat on the couch and played a board game. And when Even had slowly walked in. In sweatpants and a black hoodie. Dark circles under his eyes and messy hair. When he had sat down next to Isak and they had cuddled the entire evening.  
When they had had their first breakfast together after five days of one chair staying empty. Liv and Bjørn were incredibly strong people. They didn't judge or complain. They still bought each other flowers and chocolates. Sat on the couch together, hugged their son goodbye, send him silly selfies, drove him to the doctor when he wasn't feeling like going alone and sat quietly by his side when he wanted them too.  
Yes, Isak admired them.  
"There he is" said Liv when they had hung their coats on the wardrobe. "You look good, Isak."  
"Takk, you too." Isak felt his cheeks heat up. Liv pulled him in a hug. Bjørn shook his hand.  
"So, boys, what are you making?"  
Even walked over to the stove and turned the page in the cookbook Noora had gotten him for Christmas last year. "We are making Spaghetti alla Verdure."  
Soon, the kitchen was filled with laughter and the smell of pasta and tomatoes. Isak was suddenly not so tired anymore. The good mood in the room was contagious. 

"So what are your plans for November 27th?"Even asked, putting a huge amount of pasta on his plate.  
"November 27th? I don't think we have anything planned, do we Liv?"  
"Nei, I don't think so, why?"  
Even exchanged a look with Isak and a playful smile appeared on his face. "I am taking Isak on a date to see the stars."  
That sounded so cheesy and romantic Isak felt the hair in his neck stand up.  
"Oh, that's when the shooting star shower is, isn't it? You can take our car. Take our wool blankets from the basement and hot chocolate with you," Liv's eyes had the same sparkle that Even's eyes sometimes had when he got excited and his entire face lit up with that gorgeous smile of his.  
"Great, that's what I wanted to ask you. Thank you, you're the best."  
"No problem, I can't deny my son the chance to go on a date with his super handsome boyfriend to see the stars. That goes against my mamma codex."  
Isak blushed for the second time in an hour and pretended to be interested in his empty glass. But he secretly loved it.  
After about an hour of more talking and laughing Even threw his parents out and bounced back into the kitchen to start cleaning up.  
Isak stayed at the door and waited until Liv and Bjørn had put on their boots and coats, then he lowered his voice so only they could hear him. "Is Even okay? He seems a bit...excited today...I don't know. He has had a lot of stress lately and was feeling a little tired the past few days. He is taking his medication regularly, but... I don't know."  
"Hey", Liv said quietly and squeezed Isak's hand, "Don't read too much into it, he could just be very excited for your upcoming date. I have noticed his behavior today too, though.  
Keep an eye on him and call us when you need to. We are here for you and you don't have to go through this alone, okay? Enjoy the party tonight and just be a bit cautious."  
She hugged him again and Isak watched them climb down the stairs and waited until he heard the door being closed all the way down in the entry hall of their apartment building.  
Back in the kitchen, Even practically jumped on him and pressed a kiss on his mouth. "I have been wanting to do this all night. What were you doing? Holding my mom's  
hand while she was going down the stairs? You know, she isn't that old, right?"  
Isak laughed, "I just wanted to say goodbye properly and you know that you could have kissed me in front of your parents, they don't mind."  
"Yeah, but I couldn't have done this." Even grabbed Isak's crotch and Isak's smile turned wide.  
When it was time to leave for the party Isak almost wished they could stay and do stuff on their bed that's how hard he was. But when they stepped onto the cold street and walked the short distance to Jonas's apartment he knew that a party was just what they needed to get away from all the stress they were having at university.  
Jonas had moved in with Magnus even though he was in a relationship with Eva and Magnus with Vilde. "Not everyone is as domestic as you are," Jonas had said when Isak had asked him about that. Everyone knew that Magnus on the other hand couldn't wait to move in with Vilde. Vilde ,however, didn't seem to be ready yet.  
Now that they were all enrolled at university or at a school, they didn't have that much time to see each other as they used to. That's why there was a party happening on a weeknight. It had been the only available option for everyone.

21.34

They could hear the music blasting from the open windows and waved at people standing on the balcony with beer cans in their hands.  
Even chuckled. "I thought it was a small party, just the gang?"  
"I guess Jonas changed his mind."  
They were greeted by an already very drunk Eva at the door who fell into their arms and giggled, "Evak are here, let the party begin."  
"It's nice to see you too, Eva."  
No matter how many times he had done this Isak still got a bit nervous when entering a party full of people. He knew that he had nothing to fear, but a very small part of him would never stop being afraid. Before he could sink into too deep thoughts he hurried up to catch up with Even who had already walked into the crowd. Before Isak had time to blink his boyfriend was already dancing.  
Even loved dancing. His long limbs were flying everywhere and he was at least a head taller than everybody else but if anyone could make it look hot it was him. He had closed his eyes and was moving to the beat of the music. His hands were lifted above his head, stretching his slim body even more. The contours of his rips visibly under the shirt. He wasn't really paying attention to him, he was in his own world. Therefore, Isak decided to find his friends first and join him a bit later. He found them sitting on the couch. Beer cans in their hands, obnoxiously loud. "What's up, boyyyys."  
They all gave him a high five and moved closer together to make some room for him.  
"So, Isak," Magnus said, "I heard about this really cool star shower next Tuesday and I  
thought we could all go. I heard it's one of the biggest showers in years. Wouldn't that be fun? I have never seen stars falling to earth."  
Isak almost laughed. If only Even could hear this right now.  
He gave Magnus a little pat on the arm, "Mags, first: They are called shooting stars. Second: They are not stars. They are rocks that glow when they enter the earth's atmosphere and third: I am already going with someone else."  
He couldn't suppress a sassy smile that made Jonas, Madhi and Magnus roll their eyes. A habit they had clearly adopted from him.  
"Okay, Mr Neil Armstrong, I got it. Your boy is taking you on a date, isn't he?"  
"Yes, Even is more excited than I am, actually."  
They talked a bit more about stars and dates and other stuff. Isak let his eyes wander after a while and naturally they found Even. His Even. Dancing in the middle of the crowd.  
His hair had gotten a bit sweaty and was falling down in his eyes every time he jumped up and down. His lean body moved with so much elegance that Isak noticed some girls were staring at him too. Who could blame them? A new song came on and suddenly Isak was on his feet pushing his way through the sweaty bodies. The song stirred something in him. It was like he could hear his own heartbeat in the drums and he needed to be close to Even.  
"Halla, handsome."  
Even smiled his bright smile and continued dancing, "Halla yourself. Isn't this song awesome?"  
Isak hated dancing, but with Even it seemed easy and not something to be afraid of. He could just focus on the blue eyes and his hands on his hips and their hearts beating together while their bodies synchronized every movement. The tempo increased and Even started dancing a bit faster. Isak cupped his face with both of his hands and kissed him. It was sloppy and not quite what he had in mind and Even seemed to be too lost in the song to kiss him back. Isak tried again and grabbed a fistful of Even's hair this time, when Even was suddenly pushed rather harshly from behind and he stumbled into Isak who made a surprised sound and tried not to fall.  
"What the-."  
"Look who it is, Even Bech Næsheim, guess that's what happens to you when you go crazy huh?"  
The boy was about Even's age and had the cruelest grin Isak had ever seen. He was standing next to them with a beer can in his hand and two of his friends behind him. Isak's throat was dry. He shot a quick glance at Even who looked more furious than he had ever seen him.  
"What?"  
"Apparently, the bible verses didn't help or did you swallow the wrong medication? You are still as pathetic as you were back then. "  
Isak could feel Even tense under his touch and he squeezed his shoulder to let him know he was still there.  
“Good thing Sonja finally dumped you. But your new one is even uglier than she was. Way to go, Næsheim, way to go. Never guessed you were this disgusting. Fucking faggot.”  
Before Isak could react Even raised his fist and punched the guy right in the face. Hard.  
The guy fell to the ground, his nose bleeding.  
"Don't you dare to talk to him that way! Don't you dare to insult him, you little shit."  
Even spat out giving him a kick in the stomach and that's when Isak woke up from his shock and grabbed Even by the arm, "Stop it, he's not worth it!"  
Other people had noticed that something was going on and were looking at them.  
All of the sudden Jonas and Magnus were by Isak's side and glared at the guy who was still on the floor. "This is my party and I don't remember inviting you, so please leave!"  
Jonas said way too friendly for Isak's taste.  
Even was still yelling insults at them and Isak couldn't calm him down.  
"If I ever see you again I will finish you, you hear me? There is nothing disgusting about me! You are disgusting and just as cruel as you were at Bakka!"  
"Even, look at me". Isak demanded and he could hear the panic in his voice. "He is leaving,you see, he can't do anything to us anymore."  
Even tried to wiggle himself out of Isak's grip but Isak could be very strong when he wanted. "I hate him! He had no right to talk about that. I should have kicked him harder." Even's eyes were glowing, but not in the usual, charming way. His pupils were large and his jaw chewing on air. The veins on his throat stood out and he was clenching his fists.  
Out of the corner of his eye Isak saw that the guy was leaving, a hand pressed against his nose and his friends close by.  
"Isak", Isak didn't think he had ever heard Magnus' voice so serious and worried. "He is having a manic episode."  
Isak tried to ignore Magnus words. Tried to push the realization away. Take a deep breath and return to normal. What gave Magnus the fucking right to say that? Was he the expert now? Maybe Even just got riled up because he hated talking about his past or because he wanted to protect Isak. But even then he would have never ever hit someone and kicked them when they were already on the ground. It wasn't fair to think badly about Magnus. He knew what Bipolar looked like, had seen it countless times with his own mother.  
He could trust him. And it wasn't like Isak didn't know the truth.  
"I know", Isak said, voice breaking, "I know. I have seen it coming all week." They both had been so wrapped up in stress and exhaustion that they hadn't really noticed it.  
And if they did, they had pushed it aside. The guilt hit him like a ton of bricks and he loosened his grip on Even as tears started to fill his eyes. Immediately Even wiggled himself free and no one knew what to do. He was at the door in less than a second. Cursing under his breath.  
Then he was gone and Isak was frozen. Too shocked to do anything. 

Isak would never get used to this. Not in three years, not in twelve, not in fifty. 

Drop  
Drop

Like a circle.  
Over and over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can only imagine how horrible it must have been for Even to not only be rejected by his best friend back at Bakka but also finding out he's bipolar and the entire school finding out about it. I have always wondered about whether Even was bullied at Bakka or if he changed schools because he couldn't bear seeing Mikael and the Baloon Squad every day. Maybe it was a mix of both. The next chapter will deal with Even's backstory a bit more. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it and I am really excited for the next chapters myself :-)) 
> 
> PS: The song that is playing at the party is "Maybe I'm afraid" by lovelytheband. Such a good song!


	4. Where are you my love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback and a cold rainy night in Oslo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is: Chapter 4!!  
> Thank you so much for your kudos :-) They really motivate me to keep going.  
> Thank you for still being here and reading my fic. I hope you stay until the end. <3  
> How is the Skam fandom even alive after this weekend?! I had a content overload haha. I hope everyone who attended the High on Skam convention had fun. It sure looked like it.  
> This chapter has a flashback at the beginning, that was one of my favorite parts to write.  
> Let me know what you think.  
> Enjoy :-))

Mandag 02.09.2018 08.21

"Do you know what scares me the most?"  
He was playing with one end of the duvet. Flipping it in his hand. Over and over. Crunching it together, smoothing it out.  
"That someone tells you something about me and suddenly it will make sense why everyone says `I am psycho`.  
The headlights of the cars were slowly wandering over the ceiling. Over and over again. Like a circle.  
"That will never happen."  
Crunching, smoothing, crunching, smoothing.  
"At Bakka everyone found out. Gossip travels fast. It wasn't the bullying that I feared the most, even though I was terrified. No, do you know what scared me the most?"  
A small laugh, humorless and sad, huffed out on his last breath.  
"That someone would tell Sonja before I could tell her myself. That they would add parts to the story and make it even worse than it was. That she wouldn't love me anymore.  
She found out, of course. Before I could tell her. I never asked who had told her. After that, she...she-" He closed his eyes, grabbing the duvet so tight his knuckles turned white.  
"She started controlling me. But can you blame her? I will never know what horrible story they told her, but even if it was the exact same story I told her, it would not have mattered."  
He blinked rapidly and swallowed hard. Crunching,crunching,crunching, smoothing,  
"I am not Sonja." Quiet, reassuring. Hand on top of his.  
"And you have no idea how grateful I am for that every single day."  
"No matter what anybody tells me about you, I don't care.There is probably still a lot about your past that you haven't told me yet, same for me, but that's not important. We will get there when the time comes."  
Crunching, crunching, smoothing, smoothing.  
"I have to admit, however, that it would be pretty sexy if you kicked someone's ass for telling me stuff about you. I have never seen you in a fight."  
"Isak, I love you, but I don't think I could punch someone. Maybe if they were attacking you, but I would probably just let you climb on my back and run away.  
I hate fighting and I am as weak as a sloth."  
"You would never be able to carry me. I am stronger than you. Even a sloth is stronger than you."  
A small laugh escaped his lips. Crunching, smoothing, smoothing, smoothing.  
"Did you know that every year, dozens of sloths die because they mistake their arm for a branch and fall to their death?" he asked, eyebrows wiggling.  
"No they don't."  
"Google it if you don't believe me."  
"I would love you even if you were a sloth, Even, then we could use each others arms as branches so we don't fall off."  
Smoothing. Smoothing. Smoothing. Smoothing.  
Headlights on the ceiling. Like a circle. Over and over again.

 

Torsdag 22.11.2018 11.52

"-ak, hey. Isak! Isak!!"  
Isak flinched when Jonas grabbed him by the shoulder.  
Isak closed his eyes, ran a hand over his face, trying to get rid off the memory of the conversation with Even he had a while back.  
Jonas looked at him with wide eyes. Worry written all over his face. “Are you okay?”  
Suddenly it all came back to him. A burning hot sensation in his stomach.  
Even. His old classmate from Bakka. The fight. Even.  
"Oh my god!"  
The light was suddenly too bright and the room too small.  
"We have to go after him!”  
"Do you know where he could be?"  
"Why don't you check the nearest McDonald's?" a girl standing next to them said. Isak shot her a death glare and Jonas grabbed him by the arm to pull him into the hallway before he could do something. "Why do they even know this story?! It's been two years, why can't they just move on!"  
"That's not important right now. Do you know where Even could be? Could he have gone after this asshole who insulted you? Do you know those guys?"  
Isak wiped his eyes with his hands and let out a sigh. His head was starting to hurt.  
He had experienced a lot of Even's episodes. The smaller ones, the bigger ones. The ones he would never forget and the ones that hadn't been so bad. He had gotten better at noticing the signs. They talked about it. Didn't shy away from difficult topics no matter how hard or annoying they might were. Isak talked to Magnus regularly and he knew that he could trust him with basically everything.  
Why had he not seen it coming? Or better, why had he not done anything about it? Had it been wrong to go to the party tonight? Why hadn't Liz reaction been stronger?  
Why hadn't she been more concerned? Had they all somehow decided to downplay it this time?  
"Isak, hey! Talk to me."  
"No, I don't know them. We should go outside and see if they are still there."  
Jonas nodded and started sprinting down the chairs. Isak made a mental note to thank his best friend later for always being there for him.  
It was freezing outside. He looked up at the sky, one of the things he just had to do.  
No matter the situation, time or who he was with.  
It was a dark night. No stars tonight.  
To their surprise they saw the three guys standing across the street.  
Jonas motioned Isak to wait here. Isak watched how his friend approached them and talked to them. He could hear their mocking laughter as they pointed across the street at him and then towards the city center.  
Jonas came back, his eyes full of worry.  
"And?"  
"Mr Douchebag over there said they saw Even running out of the building. He did go after them but only to tell them that he had the best boyfriend on earth and that he should stay away from you or he would break his nose for real next time. Then he took off saying something about needing a telescope or something like that. Do you know what that means? And why didn't the guys beat the shit out of him? He was outnumbered!"  
"Oh god, oh god."  
"What is it?"  
"Even wants to buy me a telescope for the shooting star shower next Tuesday!"  
"You are joking, right?"  
Isak ran a hand through his hair, letting out a long breath.  
"I wish I was. He has talked about needing a telescope in order for our date to be perfect."  
"But he was about to beat the crap out of that guy not five minutes ago, why did he change his mind so fast?"  
"That can happen when you're manic, your brain jumps from one thought to another in a matter of seconds."  
"That must be very scary."  
Isak nodded and something in him broke a little. Even had told him that he hated losing control. That that was the worst part for him. When he realized in a small corner of his brain that he was spiraling but there wasn't anything he could do about it.  
"We have to find him."  
"It's almost midnight, no store is open anymore."  
"We have to find him, we will go to every mall and shopping venue in Oslo if that's what it takes."  
"Have you tried calling him? Maybe he has calmed down."  
"He didn't bring his phone tonight. He forgot it at home. We were a little...distracted,but I am not sure he would have answered if he had it with him."  
"Okay, then let's go to all the stores that have telescopes! I will let the others know, then they can help us."  
In less than five minutes, Isak was surrounded by his entire friend group.  
Vilde, Magnus, Eva, Sana, Chris, Noora, Madhi and Jonas. All a little drunk, except Sana, red noses from the cold, but more than willing to help. Not one of them complained or asked awkward questions, they just listened as Isak explained where they should look for Even.  
Isak blinked the tears away and ignored the lump in his throat.  
It was a dark night. No stars tonight. 

Isak was jogging. His legs were burning. Dimly lit shop windows. Yellow street lights.  
Soft rain hitting the ground. Headlights of lonely cars. He was jogging and his legs were burning.  
It was a dark night. No stars tonight.

"Anything?"  
"Nothing."  
"Keep looking, Eva"  
"Where can you even buy telescopes?"

Isak was jogging and his head hurt. Dark shop windows. White tram station lights.  
Rain hitting the ground. Headlights of cars on their way home from a party.  
He was jogging and his head hurt.  
It was a dark night. No stars tonight.

“He is not here".  
Jonas turned around to Isak. He looked tired, worried. They were standing in front of a toy store for children. Rain was hitting them in the face and they could feel the cold creep under the layers into the bones.  
"I know. We have to keep going, keep looking. I won't let him go through this alone again."  
Jonas didn't ask. He knew what Isak meant. How scared his friend must have been that night two years ago. And how scared he was now.  
"I know another store where they se-"  
A familiar sound cut him off. It was low and muffled, but Isak would have recognized it anywhere.  
He unzipped his pocket and pulled his phone out. Gabrielle had just started singing the first line.  
"Baby?" Isak said breathless.  
"I don't know what is happening. I... I..." ,The sobs broke Isak's heart, "I am back home.  
I need you. Can you come home?"  
Even the darkest nights had at least one star.

 

"Do you want me to come with you?"  
"No."  
"Are you sure, maybe you will need help."  
"He didn't sound manic anymore, just- just confused and scared." Saying it out loud made Isak choke up. "He needs me."  
"Can I at least bring you to your apartment?"  
"Yes. We should also let the others know that he is safe."  
"Let's catch the next tram and bring you home." Jonas said while dialing Eva's number.  
She picked up immediately. Isak didn't listen. He was walking towards the nearest tram station. The streets were empty at this time of night. No one was out anymore.  
Isak liked the city like this. He felt like he was a part of it. With the street underneath his boots, the trees above his head, the houses next to him. He liked the silence.  
He looked up at the sky. No matter what was going on, the infinite space gave him a sense of peace. All his worries temporarily disappeared and replaced worry with calmness.  
He spotted one lonely star. The first one tonight. His heart skipped a beat. Even though he loved science and pretended to be embarrassed by romantic gestures, he couldn't deny the impact the night sky had on him. Especially the stars. There was something about them that grounded him . Letting him know everything would be okay in the end.  
"Shit!" Jonas exclaimed.  
Isak turned his gaze to his best friend who pointed to the tram station in front of them.  
"We have missed the last one. The next one won't be here for at least an hour!"  
"Then we walk."  
Jonas didn't reply he just started walking. Isak's heart grew a little more.  
Having grown up in Oslo they knew their way around. Especially since they were still in a neighborhood relatively close to were their apartments were located.  
They walked in silence for a while. Isak wanted to run, sprint all the way home and fall in Even's arms, but all the adrenaline had left his body and he was left with pure exhaustion.  
Cheeks red from the cold, nose running.  
"I'm glad you're with me, Jonas." Isak said and felt blush creep on his cheeks. He had gotten better at confessing his love to Even, but somehow it was still a bit weird to talk about his feelings with Jonas.  
"Of course, I couldn't let you run out in the cold alone."  
Silence fell over them again. Street after street.  
"I always think I have to be used to it by now. Like I should know exactly how to react and  
spot all the signs. We had a lot of stress with university and film school and I think we all ignored it or were to blind to see it."  
"It's not your fault, Isak. Not yours, not Even's. No one's." He chuckled, "I would have punched that asshole too. Fucking brat. He has a big mouth and is an ever bigger coward."  
"You know, I talked with Even about fighting a while back, and he said he hated fighting. He would rather pick me up and ran away than punch someone."  
"You are way too heavy for him. I mean he's tall and stuff, but ehm...", Jonas seemed to be looking for the right word, "not exactly...ehm... muscular."  
Isak laughed. He couldn't believe it at first. He had been silent crying for the past hour or so and now he was laughing in the middle of the night with his best friend while walking through the cold.  
"What can I say, I like my boys tall and slim."  
The words had just left his mouth when he realized what he had said. His face turned bright red. "I mean.. That's not what I wanted to s-."  
Now it was Jonas' turn to laugh. "It's fine. I know what you mean."  
They took a left turn and were finally in the street where Isak lived. Isak fished the key out of his pocket. He turned to Jonas.  
"Okay, so-."  
"Let me come upstairs with you. What if he is not there?"  
"He is, trust me. He called me from his phone."  
Jonas seemed unconvinced. "Send me a text when you're upstairs, okay?"  
Isak nodded, "Ok."  
He unlocked the door to the house. The familiar click calmed his nerves a bit.  
Before he stepped inside he shot a glance to Jonas who was standing outside with his phone already in his hand.  
"And Jonas... thank you. I mean it. I don't know how I can thank you for tonight."  
Jonas just smiled and gave him a reassuring nod.  
Isak closed the door and started walking up the stairs. They lived on the top floor and Isak was breathing hard by the time he finally reached their apartment.  
It was dark inside. Complete silence. The faint smell of their dinner was still lingering in the air. It seemed like ages ago that they had sat around the table together with Liv and Bjørn.  
He immediately shivered. The apartment was freezing cold. He turned on the lights and saw the curtains sway in the breeze. The door to the balcony was open.  
Isak crossed the room and pushed the curtains aside.  
There he was.  
Sitting on the ground. Knees drawn to his chest. Arms around his legs, head resting on his knees. He was wearing a hoodie. Isak's hoodie. His hair was a bit messy and some strands had fallen into his eyes. Kardamom was curled up on his lap.  
He was shivering and broken. Yet the most beautiful man on earth.  
Isak almost forgot to send Jonas a quick text before he gently knocked on the glass and stepped onto the balcony.  
Even flinched. He turned his head to look at Isak. His eyes were red from crying, guilt written all over his face. His bottom lip quivered when he recognized Isak.  
Isak sat down opposite of him so their knees were touching.  
"Are you warm enough?"  
"I wanted to-" Even spoke slowly, barely audible. "I wanted to see the stars. But there aren't any tonight."  
"There is one."  
Even didn't look up.  
"Do you want me to stay here with you or-."  
The first sob was so quiet Isak almost didn't hear it, but then he noticed how Even's  
shoulders started shaking. "I am so sorry, Isak. I am so sorry. I am a failure. I am so sorry." The sobs broke Isak's heart all over again.  
Isak scooted closer, not that that was possible but he tried anyway and pulled Even in a hug.  
He hugged him so tight that he was afraid he might break him.  
Even hugged him back. His hands clinging to his jacket, face buried in his shoulder. Sobbing uncontrollably. Kardamom stayed where she was. Isak's affection for her skyrocketed. Isak inhaled Even's scent. Pressed him closer to his body, ran a hand across his back. Even was holding onto him as if his life depended on it.  
"I am here. I am here."  
Isak's knees started to hurt from kneeling on the hard concrete, but he didn't move. Even was still crying. Isak felt the tears spilling over the sides of his jacket onto his shirt and seeping through the fabric onto his skin. He felt tears burning in his own eyes.  
"I am here. Du er ikke alene. I am here." 

Isak would never get used to this.  
Not in four years, not in thirteen, not in sixty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uff, that was a difficult chapter as well.  
> The next chapter is one of my favorites. I am so excited to show it to you next week :-)  
> I will upload it next Thursday because I have my oral college exam ( or the German equivelent to a college exam :D )  
> on Wednesday and need to study lol.  
> Chapter 5 is almost done, it just needs a bit of proofreading and maybe some small changes.  
> See you next Thursday. Have a great week and I wish you all the best.


	5. 88 constellations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak takes care of Even and receives a sweet surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kudos <3  
> I passed my exam yesterday :D Now I have a massive headache but I wanted to publish this chapter.   
> I took me forever to write.  
> Please let me know what you think. Kudos and comments are appreciated :-))

Monday 25.11.2018 07.07

It was still dark out. The curtains were open. Silver moonlight shining onto their bed.   
Even was lying next to him. Duvet pulled up to his chin, messy blonde hair spilled all over the pillow. Kardamom was sleeping in the crook of his neck, her tail twitching from time to time. She loved both of them, but no one could deny that Even was her favorite.   
Whenever he was feeling down, she would come up to him, gently nudge him with her head, climb onto his lap and stay there for hours. He never pushed her away.   
Sometimes, Isak found him sitting cross legged at the table deeply focused on editing a video while petting Kardamom's head and explaining to her what he was doing.  
Every other Sunday when he was still in bed he could hear Even rummaging around in the kitchen, humming a song. When he joined him a while later he was holding her in his arms like a baby, gently swaying from side to side, still singing a song. Her purrs were so loud he couldn't help but laugh every time.   
During one of his manic episodes Even had left the apartment and Isak had found him on a park bench opposite their home watching Kardamom play on the playground. "Look, isn't she cute?" His entire face one single beaming smile. "Why has no one ever thought of that before! It's not only for kids, Kardamom loves it."   
This tiny three legged cat was climbing all over the playground and she seemed to be enjoying herself immensely. To this day, Isak wondered why she hadn't just run away.   
She had stayed in that park and had come to back to them, jumped on the bench and had rubbed her head against Even's sleeve.   
"You know that there are outdoor playgrounds for dogs, right?" Isak had said.   
"But not for cats, that's so unfair. I should build one and sell it. We could become millionaires!"  
Eventually, Isak had managed to get both of them safely back home and when the depression hit he had gone out and bought a small indoor cat playground from the pet store which he set up right in front of their bed.   
That way he knew that Even had something to look at while he was waiting for Isak to come home from university. Kardamom had destroyed her new toy after only one day.   
Guess, she was a picky lady.  
Isak looked at the clock on the nightstand. 07.07 He didn't have university today. He was planning on staying here with Even all day long.   
After he had found him on the balcony on Friday morning, he had put him to bed and they had basically stayed there for the past three days. It wasn't as bad this time. Friday had been hard,though. Cold. Distant. On Saturday, Even had been able to leave the bed for more than five minutes and yesterday they had cuddled and Isak had made a soup of which Even had eaten two more spoon fulls than last time. He had asked if Even wanted to let his parents know and he said no. It had been a while since Even's last episode. The last one had been so mild, they had barely noticed it.   
When Isak's body became restless he decided to get up and go to the kitchen.   
He put two slices of toast in the toaster and scrolled through his phone.   
He saw a picture of the party on Thursday and recognized the guy in the background.   
It was the one who had insulted them. Isak still didn't know who he was and he certainly   
wasn't going to ask Even about that now. He thought about asking Elias or Sana, but would that be fair? Asking about his boyfriend's past without his permission?   
He pondered for a while before he smeared jam on both toasts, ate one slice and took the other one back with him to their bedroom.  
Even was still asleep. Isak crawled under the warm covers and continued scrolling through his phone until his eyes got tired.  
The day went by and Isak had fallen asleep when his phone buzzed.   
A new message from Jonas. 

-Hei, just checking in on you. Eva is with me and we were wondering if you would like to join us. Hope Even is feeling okay

-Hi, we are doing okay. Thank you for asking, I don't know if I can leave Even alone right now, though

-Is he in bed? Is Kardamom with him? He will be okay for two hours. You need to get out for a bit

Isak looked over at Even and to his surprise he saw that he was awake.   
"Hey."  
"Hi."  
"I have a slice of crispy burned cold toast with sticky jam for you if you're interested."  
That made Even's lip curl into a tiny smile. The first one since Friday.   
He shook his head. He didn't seem to have the power to do more.   
"Jonas asked if I want to come over and hang out for a bit, is that okay or do you want me to stay here with you?"   
Even shook his head again, "No, go to Jonas. You need to get out for a while." His voice was raspy and hoarse.   
"You're sure?"   
Even nodded and closed his eyes , already drifting off to sleep again.

14.15

Jonas and Magnus' apartment was bigger than theirs. They had really put an effort into decorating it nicely and Isak liked coming there.   
"Where is Magnus?" Isak asked when he sat down on the couch.   
"He is having lunch with his family" Jonas yelled from the kitchen where he was putting together some sandwiches.   
Eva came back from the bathroom and joined Isak on the couch.  
"How are you?"  
"Okay, I guess. It's not the worst it has been but also not the mildest."   
"I would have punched that idiot too" Eva said, "Such a coward. I talked with Sana, you know, and she said she knows him because her brother went to school with him. He told her that the guy, Martin, is a total douche. He was always terrorizing other students, calling them names, spreading rumors. But he is such a coward. Big mouth but runs away when things get rough. Apparently, he had a crush on Sonja and tried to hide it by bullying her   
and Even. He deserved that punch."   
Isak didn't know what to respond, so he just nodded.  
Jonas came in, carrying a plate with three mouth watering looking sandwiches.   
"Here we go."   
The sandwiches tasted delicious and soon they were talking about old times at school, university and their upcoming plans.  
"Did you know that the night of the shooting star shower is supposed to be one of the coldest nights of the winter. You better pack an extra blanket, Isak."   
The expression on his face must have changed because Eva put her hand over her mouth, "Oh, Isak, I am sorry. I forgot that...you know, that Even is...."  
"It's alright", there was a lump in his throat. Somehow he was still holding on to the idea that Even would feel better by tomorrow, fit enough to drive to the countryside. What a silly thought. He couldn't get out of bed for more than ten minutes.  
There was no way they would be able to see the shooting star shower, was there?  
The atmosphere was down after that and Isak decided to head back home. He hugged his friends goodbye and Eva apologized again. Isak reassured her that it was fine. As soon as he was outside in the cold, though, he could feel tears rolling down his cheeks.   
The prospect of driving in a car far away from all the city lights, cuddling under blankets, sipping hot chocolate and seeing one of the most magical things the night sky had to offer made his heart beat faster. Their constant awe of the night sky was something so unique to them and so intimate that it would have been like a celebration of their love.   
Jonas and Eva always laughed when they found them on the balcony at a party, pointing out constellations or talking about parallel universes. Magnus said he and Vilde had not talked about the night sky once. How boring, Isak thought.   
The sun was already setting and was painting the sky in orange and red colors. Isak loved winters. Short days and long nights. Walking home in the cold, seeing all the illuminated apartments, wondering what the people behind the windowpanes were doing. If they were as happy as he was. If they had someone to share their bed with.   
It was completely dark by the time he got home. He was looking forward to cuddle with Even in bed and forget that the world existed.   
He unlocked the door and stepped inside.   
The apartment was pitch black. Isak assumed Even was sleeping so he quietly put his shoes and coat away and tiptoed through the kitchen into the bedroom.   
At first he didn't quite know what he was looking at. His eyes hadn't really adjusted to the darkness yet. Except that the room wasn't completely dark. It was being illuminated by dozens of stars, planets and galaxies. It created a comforting almost mysterious atmosphere. As if the ceiling had opened up and he was looking right into space.   
Even was sitting upright in bed, pillow behind his back. Holding a lamp in his hand, and even though his eyes were still a bit clouded, Isak felt like he could see right into his soul and see all the love and admiration that he was trying to convey.   
"Halla."   
"Halla."   
Isak slowly walked over to the bed and sat down. He had always wanted a galaxy lamp when he was younger. A lamp that projected the universe above his head so he could fly away from all his problems and land in a parallel universe. He had seen them at stores. Cheap ones. Not really what he had imagined they looked like.   
This one, however, looked expensive.   
It projected the entire Milky Way and dozens of other galaxies on the ceiling.   
The planets were orbiting .   
"Wow". That was all what Isak was able say, he was so surprised and at loss of words.   
He felt so loved.   
He looked up at the ceiling again and saw that Even had also put up stars.   
Those Glow-in-the-dark-stars that Even always talked about getting when they eventually had kids.   
Next to the Milky Way were dozens of other galaxies. In all kinds of colors and shapes.   
Isak's heart almost stopped beating when his eyes caught the little piece of paper that was taped right in the middle of the Milky Way. It was in the shape of a heart.  
On any other occasion Isak might have laughed. It was just so cheesy and romantic and just so... Even. But today all he did was stare at this piece of art with his mouth wide open. He could only imagine how much energy that must have cost Even. Dragging himself out of bed, putting up all the stars and staying awake for him.   
"This is...so...This is beautiful, Even."   
He finally looked at his boyfriend and that's when he realized that Even was crying. His hands were shaking and the planets started circling too fast.  
"Hey", Isak said gently and put a hand on Even's cheek, "What is wrong?"   
Even was trembling and he looked so miserable Isak could feel tears filling his eyes.   
"Talk to me."   
"I am so sorry. I am such a letdown."  
"What makes you think that? Look what you did for me. Even though you are exhausted and don't feel well. You brought the fucking universe in our room. In our home.   
To us. To me. Do you know how cool that is? That is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received, Even."   
"It's not nearly as good as the real thing. It's not good enough."   
"Good enough for what? What do you mean?" He wiped away the tears that wouldn't stop flowing.   
Even didn't reply immediately. Isak could see how he was struggling to say the next words.  
"It's not a shooting star shower."   
And then it all made sense.   
"Are you afraid I won't love you anymore just because we can't go see shooting stars?Because that will never happen, you hear me? Never. I would rather stay here with you and look at this gorgeous night sky you created than drive out and see some rocks getting burnt."   
"You don't mean that."  
Isak didn't hesitate for one second. He leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead.   
"I mean it." Maybe an hour ago he would have said the opposite. That nothing could beat the experience of looking up at a real night sky and seeing something that had so much meaning to their relationship. But that was before he saw with what Even's brilliant mind could come up with to prove his love to him. Isak's heart was filled with more love and affection than he knew was possible.  
"I can't go on our date tomorrow." Even finally said and his shoulders slumped down and he let out a deep sigh as if he had been waiting to say it all day long. "I am so sorry."  
"Did you hear what I just said?" Isak said and he cupped his face with both hands. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me."  
Even exhaled deeply and closed his eyes. For a while neither of them spoke a word. Isak was holding him, taking him in, his scent, his long lashes, the pale skin that was so soft and how his chest rose and fell with every breath.   
When Even tried to hide a yawn, Isak gently took the lamp out of his hands to set it at the end of the bed. Then he crawled under the duvet and put an arm around Even.   
He placed a kiss on top of his head.  
"Did you know that there are 88 constellations?”  
“88?”  
“Yes, 88. They all have different names and shapes. It's funny actually, their shapes often don't resemble the creature they were named after.”  
“Which one is your favorite?”  
“Folivora.”   
“That's a nice name, what shape is it?”  
“A sloth.”  
Even snorted, “A sloth? Out of all the beautiful patterns you picked the sloth?”  
“Hey, not many animals can pride themselves with being so dumb they mistake their arms for branches. How dumb can a sloth be? Like since when do branches have hair and stink? Apparently, the constellation is named after it because it was supposed to teach people patience and wisdom. So every time you see it you are reminded that good things take time.”  
“There is no constellation named Folivora, is there?”  
Isak couldn't keep his laughter in anymore. He snorted and laughed so hard his belly started to hurt. Even joined in and they laughed louder and longer than they had in weeks.   
“Didn't you have Latin in school?” Isak asked, still giggling.   
“Folivora didn't ring a bell, no. You had me for a second, though. You are getting better at telling silly stories.”   
“Well, I learned from the best, didn't I?”  
Even's eyes lit up at that comment and Isak's heart swelled.  
Even looked at him and Isak looked back. Getting lost in each others eyes. It felt good.   
To talk again, to laugh again. Time stopped and it was just them, in their bubble, safely shielded from all the evil in the world with galaxies circling above their heads.  
“Perseus.”   
“Mhm?”  
“The one who saved Andromeda, that's my favorite constellation.” Isak said quietly and caressed Even's hair with his right hand. “When I was younger, I had a map of the night sky on the wall next to my bed and I would fall asleep counting all the stars on it.   
I liked the Perseus constellation the most, not because it's the prettiest but because it has a beautiful back story. It's also called “The Hero”. I wanted to grow up being like him.”  
“I thought you didn't believe in mythology?” Even's voice was soft and hesitant, not being really sure if it was okay to interrupt.   
Isak turned his head to the ceiling and fell quiet for a long time.   
“I believe in science, biology and physics, yes, but something about the myths about the universe and the stars always sparked my interest. Who looks at a night sky and is not in total awe of how absolutely gorgeous stars are? And what people must have thought thousands of years ago when they saw the same star patterns over and over again.   
If there is anything that inspires myths and tales about gods it's the infinity of space.”  
He looked at Even again, “And how can I not believe in something more when I have you? You are the brightest and most marvelous of them all, my favorite star.”   
It was the first time since Friday that Even reached out to him and not the other way around.  
He took Isak's hand in his own, brought it to his mouth and kissed the back of his hand.   
It was a sweet gesture and it meant more to Isak than a thousand words. With his free hand Isak began combing through Even's hair. Gently, strand by strand. It had started to become greasy but he didn't mind. He still loved its color, its length. It was still Even's.   
He massaged his scalp and the back of his neck, scratching it, drawing circles with his fingers. “Have you eaten anything?”  
Even pulled away from him a bit and Isak knew that he was debating whether to lie or not.  
“No” he sighed eventually.   
“How about I make us some pasta with tomato sauce, we take a shower afterwards and then we lie on the bed and do absolutely nothing but look at the galaxies until we fall asleep,mhm?”  
“I don't know if I can get up though.” His voice small and hesitant again, almost embarrassed.   
“Let's not worry about that now” Isak said while pushing himself up from the bed,   
“Right now you just have to lay here and admire the beautiful gift you gave me.”  
When he turned around in the doorway he saw that Even had turned his gaze up to the ceiling and there was a sense of calm over him.   
Isak let out a deep breath. Day by day. Minute for minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the night sky, as you can probably tell and I feel like it's a theme that fits Even's and Isak's  
> relationship as well. I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. :) 
> 
> I decided to shorten this story. So the next chapter will be the last <3   
> I hope you stick around to the end and let me know what you think :)  
> Until next week! Take care <3


	6. But you are my favorite star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's the night of the shooting star shower <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter. Thank you so much for your kudos and comments.  
> They really warmed my heart. Please let me know what you think of this last one <3  
> I had a blast writing this fic, especially this last chapter.
> 
> I think I accidentally messed up the date on the last chapter. Monday was the 26th and Tuesday is the 27th, the night of the shooting star shower <3
> 
> Enjoy :-)

Tirsdag 27.11.2018 07:00

The sun wouldn't rise for another hour or so. The stars on the ceiling were glowing, but not enough to provide any light. Isak smiled. He was still so full of admiration for his boyfriend and the thoughtful gift he had made him.  
The curtains were closed and the room so dark he couldn't see what was directly in front of him. But he could feel it.  
The soft fabric of the long sleeve shirt, the heartbeat underneath it. Steady, calm.  
Reminding him he was still there. Here with him. The patch of skin where the shirt had been pushed up from tossing around. The muscles under the warm skin . His finger moved up the sides to the exposed collarbone and caressed it, gently rubbing it, feeling it shift under his touch. That was one of his favorite parts, the slim bone with so little skin over it. It was erotic and strange at the same time. Fingers moving along the side of the neck all the way to the chin, gently tracing the jawline. Then further up to the top of the head. Stroking the hair, this gorgeous, fluffy hair which smelled like their shampoo and something else uniquely to him.  
“What are you doing?”  
Isak withdrew his hand. “Sorry, I didn't know you were awake.” He was suddenly thankful for the darkness.  
“I liked it.”  
“You did?”  
He could almost feel Even blushing.  
“It's alright” he reassured him and extended his hand again to place it on the side of Even's neck. “I am just glad that I can touch you again.”  
“I am glad that I want it again.”  
Isak moved a bit closer, so their noses were touching. He grabbed the duvet and pulled it over both their heads. This was their little world. Their safe heaven. Surrounded by their smell. No matter what was going on, the world underneath the blue and gray stripes would always be okay.  
“I love you.”  
“I love you.”  
“How are you feeling today?”  
Even sighed and shifted a bit. “I don't want to get up.”  
“Do you wanna tell me why?”  
“I... no, not really.”  
“Maybe I can make you leave the bed. What if I lap dance?”  
“You can't dance.”  
“Ooh, we are sassy today aren't we, Mr Bech Næsheim? What if I hang off the balcony like a sloth and mistake my arm for the handrail?”  
Even smiled. A tiny one, but it made Isak's heart flutter.  
Isak stroked his cheek with his thumb, “Why don't you wanna get up?” he asked quietly.  
“I can't. My body feels too heavy and I feel like I might break when I stand up, as if my skin will crack and I fall apart.”  
“Is me touching you also breaking your body?”  
“No,” he leaned into his hand, “It feels good.”  
“That's good. You know I have magical powers, right?”  
“You mean besides giving the best blow jobs on Earth?”  
Isak laughed. Really laughed. It felt so good.  
Even making jokes was definitely an improvement. He had taken a shower last night and fell asleep with galaxies circling above his head and Isak being the big spoon.  
Minute for Minute. Day by day.  
“Yes, besides that, I can also see your deepest wishes. Right now, I can see that you are in desperate need of a hug. A real big fucking bear hug.”  
Isak put an arm around Even and pulled him closer until their bodies were pressed together.  
“Am I right?”  
Even buried his head in Isak's chest and nodded. They held each other. Letting the minutes pass and by the time the sun was rising Even was asleep again.  
Breathing steady and calm.  
Isak hated to leave him but he couldn't miss another day of University, so he got up and ready. He placed a plate with toast on the nightstand on his way out, just in case. 

 

19.08

He got home later than usual. It had been a hassle carrying the bags upstairs but he wanted the surprise to be perfect so he had to make sure to get everything he needed.  
“Honey, I am home.” he yelled. Aware of the fact that Even loved that phrase.  
He didn't get a reply.  
That wasn't unusual for Even when he wasn't feeling well. Isak's heart ached nevertheless and he walked straight to the bedroom.  
Even was laying in bed. Kardamom next to him. He wasn't asleep but his eyes were focused on something that only he could see.  
Isak approached the bed and sat down. He didn't say anything. Waited for Even to decide if he wanted to talk.  
“Did I really punch him?” Even asked. Voice small. Timid.  
“Yes, but he deserved it.”  
“I just hate him so much. He was so... so mean and cruel.”  
Isak placed a hand on his shoulder, “You are a much better person than him. Look what you've overcome, how strong you are.”  
“I embarrassed myself in front of everyone. In front of you!”  
“I don't care about that. You are safe, I am safe and we can not change the choices past Even and Isak made. We can, however, decide what present Even and Isak are doing.  
Right now in this minute.”  
“What are we doing this minute?”  
Isak leaned down and gave him a kiss. The first one tonight.  
“Wait here. I'll be right back”  
“Where are you going?”  
“Just relax. It won't take long.”  
Even looked confused, but didn't ask anymore. He pulled the duvet tighter around his body and leaned back into the pillow.  
Isak went to the kitchen to start setting everything up. He put cheese and an abnormal amount of cardamom on two toasts,. While they were in the oven, he grabbed the two  
plastic bags and walked onto the balcony. He carried the chairs and table inside.  
Isak took the pillows and blankets out of the bags and placed two cushions on the floor and two pillows against the wall, so they could lean against them.  
Then he laid the four folded blankets he had picked up from Liv in the middle.  
When the toasts were ready, he put them on a tray together with a huge Thermos bottle of hot chocolate. He went back inside to grab the last item he needed which he put underneath one of the blankets so Even wouldn't see it immediately.  
“Were you rearranging our apartment or what were you doing?” Even asked when Isak stepped to the bed and looked at him.  
Isak held out his hand, “Come on.” He said encouragingly.  
Multiple emotions flickered over Even's face. Confusion, panic, sadness.  
He slowly shook his head and he shot Isak a desperate look.  
“I can't” he whispered, head turned to the pillow as if he felt ashamed, “I am sorry.”  
Isak knelt down in front of him. “Hey” he said gently, patting his knee. “Don't worry. I will take care of you.”  
He slid one arm under Even's legs, the other one under his upper back and with all the strength that he could muster he stood back up. He congratulated himself for spending a lot more time at the gym lately.  
Even threw his arms around his neck. Eyes wide. “What are you doing, Isak?”  
“I am taking you on a date to see the stars.”  
Isak had thought about that sentence all day long. He found it cheesy and silly, but somehow it felt right in this moment.  
Even was heavy and it was difficult to walk. But Isak carried him all the way across the bedroom onto the balcony into the night. Slowly. Step by step. It was strangely intimate. Isak felt tears dampen his skin when Even buried himself deep in the crook of his neck.  
When Even wasn't feeling well, his body felt weak and limb. He couldn't help Isak sort out his legs or arms as he carefully lowered him down on the cushion so Isak wrapped one blanket around Even's shoulders and the other one around his legs.  
He sat down next to him so that their sides were touching and poured hot chocolate into the cups. Isak took a sip and looked over at his boyfriend. Even was already staring a him. Tears silently rolling down his cheeks.  
“I don't deserve you. You deserve so much better than me. Someone who isn't too weak to stand up. I don't deserve you, Isak.”  
Isak put his cup down and took Even's hands in his own. Gently tracing over the knuckles, the long fingers, the slim wrists that he loved so much, over the scarred skin there that you only noticed when you looked closely enough. “ Do you know when I realized that I loved you? Not the oh I have a crush or I really like him kind of thing, but full blown love? It was when we... “Isak hesitated for a second, “When we didn't talk after the night in the hotel and Vilde sent me a text. And I really like her so please don't be angry at her, okay? She has apologized a dozens times to me already. She basically send a text asking if I knew about what happened at Elvebakken. And suddenly I felt this strong desire to protect you, to prove to you how amazing you are. Show everybody how wrong they were about you and how proud I was to be yours. That I had never stopped loving you. Never stopped thinking about you, not for one single second. I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. And I still do, Even, I still do. You make me happiest that I have ever been. You deserve me, you deserve the world and the moon and all galaxies and universes out there.  
I chose you because you are the most amazing person I will ever know. I chose you because I can't imagine a life without you. You are not alone. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever.”  
Even was crying. Tears streaming down his face and his hands trembling under Isak's fingers . Isak pulled him into a hug, kissing the top of his head.  
“I love you so much, Isak.” Even whispered.  
After a few minutes of complete silence Isak put both arms around Even and gently lowered him down until he was resting comfortably against his chest. “I have something for you.”  
Isak unwrapped the item from the blanket and handed it to Even.  
It was a telescope. Even's mouth fell open.  
“It's not mine. I borrowed it from the boy who lives in the apartment underneath us. I ran into him yesterday and you know how he is, always talking and sharing his life with you. He told me about the shooting star shower and how excited he was, since his Pappa had bought him this really cool Telescope that's apparently so much better than his old one. So I asked him if I could borrow the old one and here it is.”  
He put his chin on Even's shoulder, “Do you wanna see the shooting stars, baby?”  
They both looked up at the sky for the first time since they had sat down on the balcony.  
It was breathtaking. It was like all the clouds from the last few days had finally shown mercy and revealed a night sky so beautiful Isak almost gasped.  
Hundreds of stars were glowing high above their heads in infinite space.  
They took turns at looking through the telescope but the night was so clear, they could spot the shooting stars with their naked eyes. There weren't nearly as many as they would have been if they had driven out of Oslo but Isak kept track on how many he saw.  
When his neck was starting to hurt he looked down at his watch and chuckled.  
He had counted exactly 21 shooting stars at exactly 21.21 o'clock.  
Even turned around to look at him and his eyes were full of love, admiration and wonder.  
“This is amazing.”  
Isak nodded, “Yeah, it kinda is” he laughed, “Who would have thought that our balcony had the potential of becoming a space ship. We can fly away if you want. ”  
Even grinned. Isak put both arms around his neck and kissed him slowly.  
“Let's go.”  
“Where to?”  
“Anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The balcony scene was the reason why I started this fic in the first place. I had been wanting to write it for god knows how long. I hope you like it.  
> I had a great time with this fic. Thank you again for reading, leaving kudos and comments. <3


End file.
